


words fail

by wishingonly (wendlaswound)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: ALL OF IT, Angst, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Other, little prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 09:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 5,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14234118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendlaswound/pseuds/wishingonly
Summary: A long time ago in a tumblr far far away, I had people send me word + ship prompts and... well, I got a lot of Dear Evan Hansen. So here those are. There's a few other's too, but it's mostly the little prompts. Nothing needs to be read in order. They're all kind of terrible, but I feel bad for just hoarding them when I don't even care about them, so here they are. Enjoy if you please.





	1. "I don't want you to stop"

Evan was much more confused than angry, and he said as much to Connor when he came home that night.

“Hey, uh, Connor, can you meet me in the kitchen?”

“Sure, what’s up-” Connor froze when he saw the open cabinet, and Evan standing next to it.

Connor took a step back, with his hands up. “It’s not what it looks like, I swear-”

“No-”

“I just-”

“Connor-”

“I have such a hard time saying ‘no’ and it-”

“You don’t have to explain.”

“I just don’t know how-”

Evan held a hand out to stop him. “I don’t want you to stop.”

Evan pulled a box down from Connor’s cleverly stacked stash of Girl Scout cookies. “I love Peanut Butter Patties more than myself. Please, don’t stop buying them.”

“Okay,” Connor said simply.

That was a much different confrontation that what Connor had expected.


	2. bruise (jared/evan)

“Whoa, whoa,” Evan grabbed Jared’s arm suddenly, and yanked his sleeve up. “What are these? Jared?” he asked quietly, his fingertips brushing over the bruises that covered his arm.  
Jared mentally scolded himself for being so careless and rolling up his sleeves, even just a little bit. Evan was too attentive for that.  
“N-nothing, they’re nothing.”  
Evan’s eyes were stern.  
“They’re nothing, Evan. Drop it.” Jared tried pulling his arm away, but not before Evan was softly kissing each bruise one by one.  
And Jared wondered why he hadn’t show Evan all of his bruises sooner.


	3. comfort (evan/connor)

Connor was sitting around, contemplating the fruitlessness of life and if eating an entire box of Captain Crunch would kill him, when his phone buzzed.

Connor got very few messages. And he almost tossed this one aside as spam when he didn’t register who it was from.

_Wait, Evan Hansen?_

Connor had done a group project with this kid probably over a year ago. He didn’t even remember giving him his number or taking one.

Evan Hansen: hey, I’m sorry if this is weird or whatever and I know we don’t really talk or anything, but I was just wondering how you were doing and stuff

Connor didn’t want to respond. It felt like a trick.

You: I’m fine?

The reply came almost instantaneously.

Evan Hansen: that’s good. Great, actually

Connor waited for more of an answer, and when none came, he typed out his own question.

You: why do you ask?

Evan Hansen: well, I just sort of wanted to make sure you knew someone wanted to know. I guess I just realized recently that it’s comforting to know that someone cares that you’re okay.

Connor wasn’t sure if he was more confused than he was before, or if everything suddenly made sense and the realization was so jarring that it made everything seem wrong. Nevertheless, any anger he had felt with this stranger trying to ask him about his business was gone. Was he really that much of an asshole that he’d get mad about this?

You: well, thanks, I guess. I hope you’re okay, too

Evan Hansen: I am, thank you. See you in school tomorrow

You: see you


	4. coming out (evan/connor)

Connor had a very… ELECTRIC personality, and Evan was just beginning to get used to it, though he’d known him for months now.

But something about Connor that Evan couldn’t get used to was his music taste.

Sure, all the head bopping and soft humming was cute, but the actual music was sort of awful.

Evan was a classical, smooth jazz, old musical films kind of guy.

Connor… well, Evan didn’t even know.

And Connor knew this annoyed Evan, so of course he terrorized him whenever he had the chance. Including in the car on the way to school. Every. Morning

Evan was driving, and he should have known by the shit-eating grin on Connor’s face that it was not going to be a pleasant ride.

“Hey, Evan?” Connor said, just a little too softly.

“Mhm?”

“…”

“What?”

“I’m…” he giggled once, clicked play on his phone. “COMING OUT OF MY CAGE, AND IVE BEEN DOING JUST FINE-”

Evan grumbled many obscenities, none of which were heard over Connor’s great amusement and terrible music.

It was just something Evan would have to get used to.


	5. "nothing matters anymore" (evan/connor)

Evan and Connor had been hanging out a lot lately, so Evan wasn’t really surprised when Connor asked him to come over.

He was just surprised that it was two a.m. on Friday night and the text Connor had sent was “come over. Please.”

Connor never said please.

That’s how Evan knew it was urgent.

Connor was waiting for him on the Murphys' porch despite the cold air.

“Connor, what’s up? What are you doing outside?” Evan asked as he walked up to his friend.

“Nothing matters anymore,” Connor mumbled, staring blankly at the railing.

“Are… you okay?” Evan asked, taking the chair next to Connor.

“No! I’m not okay!” Connor shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. Only then did Evan see the book in one of them. He relaxed. It all made sense now.

Connor sighed, slumping in his chair. “All my feels are broken.”

“That good?”

“Oh, it was amazing.”

“Do I have to read it now?”

“Yes.”

Evan sighed then, taking the book from Connor as he held it out. Connor smiled when Evan came and settled next to him. He read over Evan’s shoulder, with his head resting on it.


	6. cuddle (evan/connor)

Connor had never been one for a whole lot of touching. When his dad would squeeze his shoulders or his mom would pinch his cheeks, he would flinch away, uncomfortable and unsure what else to do, and guilty after he caught his parents' disappointing looks.

He doubted they’d believe him if he told them it hurt him as much as it hurt them.

But things with Evan were different, somehow. Connor didn’t really understand, but he was never uncomfortable touching Evan, or Evan touching him. Sure, they might have been shy, at first especially, but never uncomfortable.

Maybe, he supposed, it’s when someone is as much a part of you as your own skin that it’s okay. That they can hold a part of you because it’s as much theirs as it’s yours.

Yeah, that was it.

Despite this, they still asked each other if they could, still made sure it was okay. The first time Connor had asked, Evan was so surprised he said no before he really realized what Connor was saying. Then he said yes. Yes, yes, yes. I meant yes. No, yes.

And it was a remarkable feeling, holding someone close to you, feeling their heart beat against yours.

As someone who flinched when a stranger brushed against his hand, Connor was startled to discover how much he loved to cuddle.

Only Evan, though. With Evan, it all was okay. When either of them were frustrated or joyful or crying or mad, even at each other, it didn’t matter, they would hold each other until they both were calm, okay, under control. And they only let go when they could, when they had taken enough of the other’s breath to tide them over until the next time.

Sometimes the only place to find yourself was in someone else’s arms.


	7. "just get home as soon as possible, okay?" (evan/connor)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in June 2016. Y'all will get it.

“Just get home as soon as possible, okay?!” Evan shouted to Connor through his phone.

“Okay, okay, I’ll be there in like two minutes, just hold on, alright?”

“Yeah. You haven’t heard yet, have you?”

“No? What are you talking about?”

“Nothing, just get home as soon as you can.”

“I will, Evan. I’ll see you soon.”

Evan had been standing in his doorway in shock, but now a grin slowly swept across his face as he looked into Connor and his apartment.

Evan couldn’t move, and he was still standing there when Connor burst in.

“What is going on?” He said as he bustled his way through the door. “Why are you-”

And then he saw it.

Their apartment was covered top to bottom in rainbow streamers, hearts, confetti. Everything. No wall was spared. Evan suspected it was Jared and Zoe’s doing, but he couldn’t be sure. Only them and Evan’s mom had a key; and he didn’t want to think it was anyone else, despite the grand gesture.

And right in the middle, on their small coffee table, was a huge sign, proudly but simply declaring that “Love Wins.”

Connor looked at Evan. “This… we…”

Evan nodded, both of them at a loss for words.

Without any prompting, they wrapped their arms around each other.

Nothing else needed to be said.


	8. kiss (jared/evan)

Jared had no idea why he was in love with Evan, but he was.

And it absolutely sucked.

Evan may have never been good at making friends or talking to people in general, but if Jared had one big social albatross, it was feelings. And expressing these feelings. Especially if they were positive ones.

It made life rather difficult.

But so far, he had managed to warm himself to Evan, to not act like a royal asshole for once in his life.

And it was amazing.

What was even more amazing was when Evan took his hand for no reason, and just held it, because he could, because it was what you did when you cared about someone.

Jared was pretty sure he was still in shock. He couldn’t think of any other reason to explain what had just happened.

They had just gone out for ice cream, that was it. And then Evan took his hand again, and Jared froze. He turned to Evan, blurted out “Can I kiss you?” very quickly before doing just that.

Evan was definitely surprised, but he had kissed Jared back. He had kissed him _back._

All of Jared’s feelings were broken then. He didn’t know if crying was meant for joy or fear, or if you whispered when you wanted to say something important, or if a smile meant you were angry.

But Evan had kissed him.

That was all of the feelings he needed and then some.


	9. “this is what I was trying to avoid! all of this!” (evan/connor) part 1

Evan woke to an insistent knocking on the front door and immediately believed he was about to be murdered.

He got up and answered the door, nevertheless.

And when he opened it, he almost wished it was a murderer.

“Connor? What are you doing? It’s -” Evan glanced at his watch. “It’s two in the morning for God’s sake.” Evan rubbed his eyes, and only then did he notice how jittery Connor was, rocking back and forth on his feet, his eyes darting all around.

“Sorry, sorry, look, I just… I need help. Please.”

Evan sighed, seeing few other options, and opened the door to let Connor in. The other boy sighed, nearly groaned, a huge weight seeming to lift from his shoulders, loosening his posture. His body calmed.

Connor went and sat on the couch. Evan followed. It was his couch, after all.

After several moments of silence, Evan held out his hands. “So? What?”

Connor was startled from examining the walls of Evan’s living room. “Oh, well, I just… I had to talk to you.”

“…”

“…”

“… so talk!”

Connor groaned, falling over on the loveseat and hiding his face in the pillows.

“Connor? Are you high?”

“No! I’m not fucking high! I have to talk to you. I just… I don’t really know how.”

“Do your best, then,” Evan told him, too tired to be properly angry instead of just a little frustrated. Connor was always spontaneous like this, and Evan was still working on getting used to it.

Connor was a unique person.

But he was Evan’s closest friend. He may have acted like he was sick of him, but he cherished the inconvenience. Truly.

He was just. So tired.

Connor sat up and took a few deep breaths. “Okay, well… I’ve been… I guess I’ve been feeling some things lately…. and I…. gah.” He collapsed again.

“Connor. Seriously. If this isn’t important, I really would rather be sleeping right now. Please, just say it-”

“Ah! See! This is what I was trying to avoid! All of this! This… lame confessions, and fumbling for words, and insincere nods and… all of it! I can’t stand it!” Connor stormed around the floor as he growled all of this, Evan cowering just a bit on the couch. Connor often had rampages like this, and once he’d chucked a box of crackers through a window on accident. Evan would have rather not been in the crossfire now.

Connor glanced over at him and seemed to turn away and roll his eyes, but Evan couldn’t really tell because just as fast he was turning back, leaning over Evan on the couch and kissing him.

Deeply. Softly. Reverently.

Evan had never been kissed before, much less like… this.

After what could have been minutes or a millennia, Connor pulled back, slowly, so, so slowly, and looked at Evan.

He stood up straighter, nodded, then headed back to the door. Evan followed, wanting to protest, but he couldn’t; his lips were still tingling.

Before Connor left, he turned to Evan and smiled brightly. “Thanks for the chat.”

Evan still said nothing. He stood in the doorway long after Connor had left.


	10. part 2

Evan was still having difficulties processing the events of the previous night. After Connor left, there was no hope he would be falling asleep again. His mind was too frazzled and his lips were still numb from the… kiss.

Oh god, Connor had kissed him.

Evan didn’t even know how it had happened. Connor had come over, rambling like an idiot, and then…

Oh. God.

Evan didn’t know what to do. He wanted to scream. He wanted to ask Connor what the fuck he was thinking.

He also sort of wanted him to come and kiss him again.

No, no. He hit his head, trying to keep the thoughts away. He couldn’t get like this now. Not now.

Evan glanced at his clock. 4:38.

 _Fuck it_ , he decided, and went for his phone, only hesitating when he opened his messages.

If he did this, would there be no going back? If they lost everything from this, would there be nothing to salvage?

He shook his head. Connor had already decided that when he came over last night.

Evan went to type but then couldn’t think of what to say. He started out with “what the fuck”, but hit send too quickly, so that was all it said.

Evan looked at the sent message for a moment, frozen, feeling even more stupid than when he had started. But then he shrugged and supposed it was enough. Connor would understand, anyway.

And sure enough, the message said it was read only a minute later.

But then it stayed that way.

And stayed.

For another half hour.

Evan rolled his eyes. _Fucking asshole. Fucking kisses me and then leaves me on read_.

Evan had enough. He fell over on his bed and resigned himself to taking back the sleep Connor had robbed him of. He’d properly deal with this all in the morning, when the sun was actually up and Evan didn’t feel like he was about to spontaneously combust. He hoped he wouldn't feel that way, anyway.


	11. hurt (evan/connor)

Connor was just going to pretend he wasn’t crying. He was going to pretend that Evan wasn’t crying because of him too. Otherwise he’d never be able to speak. Connor was always rather useless when he was crying, and whenever other people were crying he would too, it was an automatic reaction. He couldn’t help it. There was nothing to be done.

When he choked out the words, he heard his voice distort in ugly, teary tones, horrible noises. Horrible, ugly. He flinched when he heard himself. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Evan said nothing, which didn’t make anything better, but meant that only Connor could make it worse.

He took another breath, quickly wiping his eyes before focusing in again on his denial. What he needed to say. “Really, I never wanted that. And I’m sorry, for all of it. Everything. Even the good parts. Even the ones you don’t hate, even the parts of me you don’t hate.”

Evan was still silent, stoically hugging his knees on his bed, his head turned as far away from Connor as he could.

“It’s just… I don’t know how to control myself all the time and… I can’t… I don’t…” Connor sighed, defeated. The dread of realization chilled his body, and he looked at Evan longingly, one last time. At least, what he believed would be the last time.

What should be the last time.

“I know you have no need for me, no want for me anymore. All I can say is sorry. I don’t know how to fix this, especially if you don’t want it to be. Which is fine, I understand.”

Silence.

“I… I’ll go now. Goodbye, Evan. And I’m sorry. So, so, so sorry.”


	12. "they can't hurt you anymore" and "I had a bad dream" (evan/connor)

Evan hadn’t gone to bed until far past midnight, and it was only after he’d hung up with Connor that he was grateful he’d stayed up.

He had been reading in his bed when his phone buzzed. Evan never liked answering the phone, but with someone calling him this late it could only be important, and it was.

“Hello?”

“I had a bad dream again,” Connor murmured through the phone, his voice small and tight.

“Oh, are you okay?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I called you.”

“… what can I do to help?”

“…”

“… Connor? Have they been getting worse?”

“It’s the withdrawl, I think.”

“But you’re still being safe about it, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just… it sucks.”

“It does. Was this dream anything new?”

“Nope. The same fucking thing.”

Connor’s dreams were never pleasant, and there were few differences between them and Evan’s nightmares. But dreams came to Connor far easier. They were always gruesome, always the worst his subconscious could conjure. They made Connor scared to be asleep, scared to be awake, scared, scared, always scared. It made Evan a bit scared, too.

But Connor always called him or talked to him, so that gave him some reassurance, some hope, some reprieve from worry.

“Well, you’re awake now-”

“Yeah, but I still see it all, it’s always there and it will always be back. I don’t know how I… I don’t know if I can-” a sob interrupted his words.

“Hey, hey,” Evan tried to hush him. “They can’t hurt you anymore. I promise. They’re not real. They’re not real, I promise. I’m real, not them. They are not real, okay, Connor?”

“They feel real.”

“And they feel that way because they want you to feel that way. But they are nothing, okay? Nothing.”

“But… they’re in my head… they’re a part of me-”

“Everyone has their demons. But can they physically hurt you? No. They cannot. They are in your head, true. And everyone has shit in their head. Like a box of moldy Milk Duds that have been in your pantry since three Halloween’s ago. If you eat them, you should probably go to the doctor. But if you throw them away, you can’t get sick.”

“And then you find a bag of stale Cheetos the next day.”

“Exactly. You understand my metaphors so well.”

Both lines were silent after Connor gave a small laugh.

“Evan, you know head Cheetos are different…”

He sighed. “Yeah, I do. But… we deal as best we can.”

A pause. “Yeah, we do.”

“Will you be okay?”

“For now, I think.”

“If you need me, call.”

“I will.”

“Good night, Connor.”

“Good night, Evan. Thank you.”

“No need.”


	13. "i know you" (jared/evan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this one is, it's legit saved in my computer as I KNOW YOU with no context, so yeah. Whatever.

“I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE, EVAN HANSEN! YOU READ MY TEXTS BUT DIDN’T BOTHER TO REPLY? UN-FUCKING BELIEVABLE. OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR YOU ASSHOLE.”

            Jared was Evan’s alarm clock that bright Saturday morning. _Early_ morning. It wasn’t even eight. Did Jared really think Evan would haul himself out of bed, out of his exhaustion, to do anything for Jared when he was this _loud?_

            Unfortunately, Jared was persistent. Evan saw few options; get up in hopes Jared would go away, or settle under the covers trying to fall asleep while Jared screamed at him for the rest of his life.

            He actually had to think about which one he was going to choose before he did.

            But after only a few moments of deliberation, he slumped out of the safety of his sheets, one appendage at a time, and slumped to the door, where Jared was still banging.

            Thankfully, his mother was at work, and didn’t have to pay witness to this.

            When Evan finally opened the door, Jared didn’t stop knocking and nearly slammed Evan in the face. He was too tired to try any defense or retaliation tactics, so he just let it be.

            “What?” Evan asked.

            “WELL THERE YOU ARE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.”

            Evan rubbed his eyes in hopes that they’d be a little less blurry after. “Jared, I just woke up, could you please not-“

            “I WILL SPEAK AS LOUDLY AS I FUCKING WISH.”

            Across the street, a dog began to bark rapidly and only then did Jared cringe with remorse.

            Evan did his best to repress his eye roll. “Jared, really, what do you need?”

            Jared pushed his way through Evan and into the living room without a word or excuse. Unceremoniously, he plopped down on the couch, which was his usual habit when he came over.

            “My wifi’s out. I need to use yours.” Now he wasn’t even looking at Evan anymore after his computer had connected.

            “Uh, you needed to come over _right now_ and do that? Really?”

            “Hey! I have to finish this essay.”

            “You know, you could have just sat on the porch or something and _not_ woken me up.”

            “Yeah, but then it would be like I was creeping.”

            “And I would still be sleeping,” Evan mumbled, and grabbed the blanket from the loveseat and curled up on it. It was rude to barge into someone’s house uninvited, but it was also rude (and usually unwise, especially with Jared) to leave your guests alone. If Evan couldn’t make Jared leave, he’d sure as heck out-hospitality him.

            Evan didn’t and couldn’t plan on staying awake, though. He woke up a little past noon, with Jared gone and a note taped to his face: _Sweet dreams, Hansen XOXO_

            Upon further inspection, he discovered that Jared had taken the Oreos from Evan’s pantry and a sweatshirt from his closet.

            Jared always knew how to make himself at home.

            Figures.


	14. makeup (evan/connor)

Evan appraised his handiwork, though Connor was squirming under his gaze. Though, Evan couldn't help but notice that he was biting at the corners of his lips to keep from smiling. Evan took that as a good sign.

“So?” Connor asked worriedly. “Is it bad?”

“No!” Evan assured him. “You look quite hot with makeup, I’ve gotta say. The eyeliner really works for you.”

“Really?” Connor asked, trying to keep from sounding excited and failing almost as bad as he did in pre-calc.

Evan smiled softly and kissed Connor lightly on the nose. “Really.”


	15. “why did you do that? you could have died! I could have lost you!” (evan/connor)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a (relatively) long and painful one, kiddos. Buckle up.

Evan sat on his bed limply, having just come home from the hospital yesterday. Connor had bolted to his car when he heard. There was nothing else for him to do. He’d sat around the past three days waiting for someone, anyone to call him and tell him everything was okay.

Even when he knew it wasn’t.

“Evan,” Connor breathed, unable to fathom that Evan was still there, and Connor’s head was still reeling from the thought that he almost wasn’t. Despite Evan’s cuts, his cast, the bruise on his right cheek, Connor smiled. He took two small steps into Evan’s room, hesitant to go farther.

Evan didn’t move. Didn’t acknowledge him at all. Connor wouldn’t have known the difference between Evan and a mannequin.

“Hey,” Connor tried again. This time Evan turned to him and blinked, slowly, once, then twice. He didn’t speak, and his somber expression didn’t break.

Connor decided to risk it. He sat with about two feet of space between the two of them on the bed. Evan’s gaze followed him until he was sitting.

Unsure of how to begin, Connor wasn’t able to say anything polysyllabic that might ask for the wrong answer. Remarkably, Evan spoke first, a gravely murmur. “Why are you here?”

Connor had been working on keeping his temper in check, sorting through the mess of his mind to see through the dark fog, but anger flared inside of him, hearing Evan ask him that. He tried to repress it before he snapped, but now wasn’t a great time for breathing exercises and anger management scenarios.

“What do you mean? ‘Why am I here’?! Why wouldn’t I be here?!”

“Because you don’t need this. You don’t need _me_.”

Connor felt his whole body go cold. He balled his fists and stood. “That is the biggest mouthful of _bullshit_ I’ve ever heard you say. Why am I here, why would you say that? Why would you _think_ that? Evan-”

“SHUT UP.”

A sharp breath nearly made Connor choke, and he felt tears well in his eyes.

“Evan, why… why would you do this?”

“…”

“Did you really want to die?”

“…Still do.”

Now Connor had no breath, which didn’t really matter, since he could feel his lungs, his heart, his brain, shutting down one by one, flick flick flick on his control system.

“You…” Connor rubbed his face. He had no words to make Evan hopeful. He didn't have any for himself, either.

Instead, he knelt on the bed, and slowly wrapped his arms around the other boy, and once he was sure he wouldn’t be pushed away, tightened them. If Evan wanted to leave him, that was fine, but Connor would be there, with him until the end, with open arms incase he turned back.

“You are my heart. Please don’t leave. I don’t have much else to spare.”

It must have been hours and hours, but Connor held Evan, even when both started crying, even when they both were silent.

He wouldn’t let go, and even if Evan did, he’d hold on for both of them.

He had to.


	16. puppies (evan/connor)

“No,” Evan said coldly, but his lip was wobbling.

Connor pouted and held the puppy under his chin. “How can you say no to this face?” He put the puppy in front of his own, then showed Evan his pout again. Connor knew how to get his way with Evan. He’d been using the same tactics for years. Evan should have steeled himself better.

“Connor,” Evan moaned. “We can barely afford a full gallon of milk in the fridge, much less another-”

“You can name him. Or her. I don’t actually know. It can be a gender-neutral puppy. We’ll put ‘em in tutus and fireman hats. You know you love those pictures of little puppies in hats.” Connor took a few steps forward, cradling the puppy in his arms. “Pleeeease, Evan?”

Evan was smiling ever-so-slightly, looking at the little animal wistfully. He glanced up at Connor and shrugged. “Fine, we can keep it. But that means we have to significantly cut into our Oreo and “emergency book shopping” funds.”

Connor pouted again, not for show this time, but conceded readily when the puppy gave him the tiniest “arf.”

“Look,” he said happily to his boyfriend, and held the puppy out to him. “We have a baby, now.”


	17. "you’re severely depressed these days and I’m too scared to leave you alone so yes this is the only solution please accept my hugs" (evan/connor)

Evan stood with a bag and a pillow under his arm, shifting back and forth on his feet and his eyes darting all around Connor’s front porch.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Connor mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Evan somehow became even redder and more agitated than he had already been. “I uh, well…”

“Spit it out, Hansen. I haven’t got all day.”

Evan tightened his jaw. “You’ve seemed really… out of it lately.”

“I haven’t been at school.”

“Exactly. And I know how you get when you’re in your moods-”

“This isn’t a mood-”

“-And I needed to make sure you’re okay. So I’m staying for a bit.”

“No, you’re not. I was napping.”

Evan held up the pillow. “I came prepared.”

Connor knew he needed to keep refusing, to tell Evan to go home. That’s what every part of his body was telling him, tensing, backing away, flinching. But… there was a tiny, tiny part of him that didn’t want to. Apparently, that tiny part was the tired part, because that was the one he listened to as he yawned and opened the door wider.

“Fine. But you try to talk to me about my feelings or some shit and you’re gone.”

Evan grinned for the first time. “Sure thing.”


	18. treehouse (jared/evan)

“I want to show you something.”

Evan stood behind his door, staring at Jared doubtfully.

Jared rolled his eyes and took a half step closer. “Look, please, just come with me. I promise I’m not trying to kidnap you and sell you into a child trafficking ring. Cross my heart and hope to die.” He did just that, holding up his hand in a Scout’s Promise.

Evan did not look happy about this, but his secession probably meant that he’d realized that Jared wouldn’t leave him alone until he said yes. “Fine, let’s just go then.”

“Great. Grab a jacket.”

“Oh god, you’re driving, aren’t you?”

“Hey, I am a wonderful driver.”

Evan rolled his eyes at that. “Just let me tell my mom goodbye since it might be the last time I ever see her.”

xxx

Jared was grinning at Evan’s slack-jawed amazement. He hadn’t even left the car yet; he looked too in shock to move.

“We used to own this lot of land. My dad built this for me when I was a kid. I don’t know, it’s just sort of been abandoned,” Jared told him.

Evan was still staring at the treehouse, unable to form words or react properly. Soon, he was able to stutter something out. “You, you had a treehouse to yourself, and you never told me?”

Jared shrugged. “I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”


	19. trust (evan/connor)

“Do you trust me?” Connor turned to Evan suddenly and asked, with more urgency and conviction than Evan had ever heard Connor say anything with. That was probably why Evan jumped back, stuttering out his answer.

“I, uh… y-yes,” he managed after a long while. Connor waited without interruption.

But after Evan had nodded and confirmed and they sat in silence for just a moment, Connor flashed the smallest smile, and shook his head.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay…” Evan repeated, still a bit bewildered.

Connor turned away, no longer right in Evan’s space, and it felt empty, but just for the breath that Connor and Evan let out, and then Connor was there again with his hand around Evan’s neck and their faces just a heartbeat apart.

Connor paused for a second to meet Evan’s eyes before he kissed him. And it wasn’t fierce, or rough, or sloppy, or careless.

It was faith. It was a wish. It was trust.


	20. "we fell asleep on the couch" (jared/evan)

Evan woke up and knew where he was but had no idea how he had gotten there.

Where he was: sleeping on his couch. In Jared’s arms.

How he had gotten there: ???????

As the fog of sleep slowly fell away, Evan was surprised that he didn’t tense up, didn’t try to wake Jared and apologize or question or move at all. He was warm. He was comfortable.

Evan, in his sleepy thought process, thought of his teachers telling him that the best inventions were usually caused by accidents. Like popcorn.

Maybe all the best things started as an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for embarking on this journey of "how crappy was my writing a year ago" with me. I really appreciate it.


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